Like Clare in the Runners Den

Today I went to go buy a much needed new pair of running shoes. The store was called the Runners Den. A dark, devious den it was.

I left with an incredibly comfortable new pair of shoes, though, and I am really excited about them.

They are turquoise and I spent way too much money. But these are the kinds of things that happen to you when you enter the Runners Den.

Running in the mornings is one of my greatest delights. It wakes me up and energizes me for the day. I think the clearest when I am running. I am fairly certain I once mentally mapped out a flow chart on the appropriate occasions to wear running shoes with jeans, but when I got home and was stretching, it vanished.

Runners Den is staffed by knowledgeable, eager, and experienced runners. I'm not trying to say that serious runners are crazy, but I sort of am.

I walked in and immediately had a chirpy employee approach me and ask if I had had my gait examined by their special analysis machinery which they for some reason decided to call the “Shoe Dog.” I said yes (I had gone through the experience the weekend prior, but got overwhelmed and left before I bought shoes—but that is another story). On a large computer screen, we pulled up all of my information. Clare Van Brunt: size 9½, pronates, very high arches, runs heavier on her right foot, enjoys stimulating the economy.

The “Shoe Dog” became the third party in all of our dealings from there on out. When browsing I picked up a shoe; the employee promptly said, “Oh, the Shoe Dog recommends you select something with more stability,” and “the Shoe Dog recommends you achieve optimal hydration with these high-quality water bottles that fit nicely into this runners fanny pack.”

The (really nice, well intentioned) employee literally hovered over me asking questions like,

"Do you ever get pain in your hips?"

"Well, I guess every once and a while when I..."

“I knew it! That's because you don't have our custom-made insoles. Your arches are probably caving as we speak!"

"Yikes! I see. How much are they?"

"$75"

"I'm going to hold off on those today."

She became very sincere and said,"I don't even care if you get them from the Dollar Store, you need insoles! Seriously. We at Runners Den care about your arches. Plus, the Shoe Dog recommends it, too."

Then she told me that I am really rolling the dice running in cotton socks. Athlete's foot is lurking within every stride! At Runners Den, they only carry synthetic socks. I could sense the Shoe Dog threatening to chew up the cotton socks that I had brought with me for trying on shoes. I nervously recoiled my feet under the chair, out of sight.

I entertained the thought of running out of there (reveling in the irony) without buying their shoes. But there is just something about the Runners Den that throws you into a state of hypnosis—like being bit by an opinionated mechanized dog and injected by a mind-altering serum that resembles something like GU energy gel which sells for $24.99 for a pack of 20. While within its grasps, you want to take out your credit card and buy all the accoutrements that once in your possession, will make you run floating a foot above the ground.

The day eventually ended in victory, which is all I am choosing to focus on.

                                                                         Here they are! BAM.